It's pretty much been a very emotional ride these few weeks. Oh Allah, I know You are testing me. But really, this time round, it's been really emotional that I can't put my finger on it to whether it's PMS symptoms or just tests from You. But whatever it is, it gave me sort of hope for a better tomorrow. Inshallah.

Soon, I will be embarking my journey to Madinah and Makkah for the second time. And these tests has been really challenging. Not only to me but to my surroundings too. I decided to go for the second time because I find the need to be closer to Allah. Because He's the only one who can save me for when I'm broken. Yes, I'm broken for the second time and I'm never angry at Allah. I just need to learn to understand that what happen for me is for me. What happen for me, is for me. And I trust in Allah plans because He is all knowing.

People went for pilgrim because of different reasons. To whether they are heartbroken, separated from love ones, having a hard time conceiving a child, losing a career and many other reasons. But down right to one point, is to seek Allah's guidance, love and to strengthen our Imaan and Ibadah. Mashallah. We are all here, facing the Kaabah because we believe in the One and the One can only understands us and believe that there will be ease. Inshallah.

I used to want so much in this Duniya, but I grow to not wanting anything that much because it breaks us. Duniya breaks us. It's a temporary place where material things don't last, people hurts us and this Duniya that takes up a lot of our precious time doing things that is not for us. Therefore I choose to perform my Umrah again as to get closer to Allah and doing this to strengthen and reminding myself of my Imaan. It's sort of renewing my vows to Allah, it's like a detox therapy. It like reliving again and starting a new. And it's also to exercise my faith in my religion, my patience and my Adab towards people around me. 

I just hope and pray that Allah could ease all of my parents, my aunt and my affairs and accepting us for being a Ummah of Rasulullah to His beautiful creation. I am someone whose weak in my Imaan and make a lot of sins. I just hope to be forgiven and be cleansed for all my wrong-doings. Inshallah. And may I heal my broken heart and learn that I am never broken, it's actually that the situations that's broken and never me that's broken. As Allah have never leave His servants broken unless he broke himself apart. 

Inshallah. Amin.