Marriage is tough. 

Your partner won’t understand you. Nevertheless, he’s able to listen to you. Especially when he has no elder guidance or advisors. 

All you’re left with that, is just shit.

And at a losing end. 

The greatest life you once had, has come to an end.

 It’s pretty lonely here.

 I yearn so much for,

a good 10 hours of sleep;

a proper haircut;

an amazing massage;

maybe a good depressing cry;

peace and quiet.

But instead, I can only dream.

 Somehow being a mother feels lonely, depressing and being alienated. You will feel left out. Life changed, tremendously indeed. And you are left with your thoughts and feelings. You start questioning why’s. And maybe have a few regrets. It’s dangerous as you know what it can do to you. One thing for sure you know, that

There’s no turning back.

 Motherhood.

It’s pretty overwhelming for me. Especially with 2 small babies. At times, I feel miserable and break down. Crying my eyes out, hoping for comfort and support. And it’s true, Motherhood is mental illness.

One has to become a mother to feel this. No mother would actually say this out loud because we will be judge. We will be perceived as weak and not strong enough. But the fact is, we are trying our very best to stay as strong when we are struggling. And I believe, having a partner who is a team player really does help and I honestly am thankful. Husbands won’t understand us, wives’ feeling but it really does help when he takes the crying baby away from you to compose yourself. It does help when he jumps in to do his part as a parent when we are at the fragile phase.

This chapter in my life will only be a phase. A challenging phase, no doubt. For all I know, time will fly pass by and all I can do is look back and smile. A chapter that actually change my life. A tremendous change! From not being a morning person and someone who likes to sleep a lot, I admit I miss my old life. But I know, I have to keep on going. Forward.

With patience and strength.

Having to hear the Nurse saying the good news really was a sense of relief. I can't never be thankful for this. I anticipate the news for 2 weeks. It's crazy. A major rollercoaster ride! 

Syukur Alhamdulillah, Ya Allah! And I will never stop making my Dua's, still. Amin.

 It's been a long time since I've blog. 

Well, I'm back to work on sites for 3 weeks now. So that explains my hiatus. I do actually miss working from home. It's really hard to part with the cats when it's like 4 months having them around me, meowing for food. Haha. 

I'm currently on "treatment". It's a pretty scary phase that I'm embarking on. But I keep telling myself that I am strong to overcome this. I know I am. Because if I can deal with the pain of having to do Swab Test for every 2 weeks, why not. Oh yea, it's a compulsory for people who work on sites to conduct their Swab Test every two weeks. It's not that scary, well, a bit. It's more to like ticklish plus it's deep! You can actually feel the stick tickles your throat. I kinda grew on it because it's like my 7th time doing it. Haha.

It's madness at work too, when you have to comply to all the rules and regulations. Work is different now. Plus to be extra careful as dormitory workers here in Singapore still holds the largest number affected here. It's tedious to enter sites now, but I grew on it.

I'm more concern on my "treatment". And all I pray for, is for me to be strong, mentally and physically. Just going with the flow and leave it to Allah. Amin.